Toxic shame - CPTSD

 

11 signs you are suffering from Toxic Shame:

• Self loathing and low self esteem
• Self Martytdom amd self victimization
• Feelings of being a fraud or phony
• Dysfunctional relationships with others
• Self sabotage
• Feelings of chronic unworthiness
• Frequently feeling a sense of irrational guilt
• Addictive tendencies
• People pleasing
• An angry or defensive persona
• Perfectionism

Shame typically comes up when you look inward with a critical eye and evaluate yourself harshly, often for things you have little control over.

This negative self-evaluation often has its roots in messages you’ve received from others, especially during your childhood. When parents or teachers criticized you, rather than any poor behavior choices you may have made, they planted the seed of shame.

Shame centers on your very identity as a person, and it becomes particularly toxic when it starts to impact your sense of self.

Toxic shame opens the door to anger, self-disgust, and other less-than-desirable feelings. It can make you feel small and worthless. It can trickle into your inner dialogue like a poison, locking you into a painful loop of negative self-talk.

When toxic shame lingers without resolution, the desire to hide from it or escape from yourself can lead to potentially harmful behaviors like substance misuse or self-harm.

NORMAL vs TOXIC SHAME

Pretty much everyone experiences shame, though some people experience it more frequently or intensely than others.

Shame often has a cultural component. It can help maintain social norms by reinforcing the idea that certain behaviors can harm others and have a negative impact on society. If you engage in — or even have thoughts about — these potentially harmful actions, you might feel shame.

But when does normal, run-of-the-mill shame become truly toxic? It’s complicated.

SHAME vs GUILT

Say you got caught teasing a classmate in elementary school and your parents sharply scolded, “You should be ashamed of how you treated them.”

Their criticism inspired guilty feelings: You regretted your actions and wanted to make up for your shameful behavior to earn their approval once again.

To understand how shame can become toxic, let’s take a step back to explore the difference between shame and guilt, two self-conscious emotions often confused with each other.

Guilt relates to specific actions, such as:

• making a mistake
• doing something you know you shouldn’t
• causing harm to another person, intentionally or otherwise

People often find it easier to discuss guilt, perhaps in part because guilt implies remorse. It may feel more natural to talk about a wrongdoing when you regret it and want to repair any damage you’ve caused.

Like guilt, shame can promote behavior change, since disappointment with yourself can prevent you from making a similar mistake. But shame relates to your sense of self, and it can cut deeper, so these feelings can linger long after you’ve apologized or made amends.

Toxic shame refers to shame that sticks around and starts to contaminate the way you see yourself.