Hard calls and Mental illness

 Sometimes we make choices with relative ease. One option feels right. We have no negative feelings about the other choice. On some occasions, we may be faced with a hard call. 

I'm sure we can all identify a hard call we've had to make in our lives. Many. It can be even more difficult if you suffer from any mental health illness or barrier. When making an important decision, I personally struggle quite a bit sometimes. 

I am an empath, so I tend to be understanding of other peoples perspectives even if they don't mirror mine. I have anxiety, CPTSD, Bipolar 1, ADHD and OCD. I have to sit on decisions for some time and overanalyze them and overthink them and then observe my mental state when coming to a decision. My free spirit doesn't always like this type of structural thinking, however, with consistent mental health work, recovery, therapy, stabilized medications, sobriety and a good support system, i've found that the act of making good, clear, sound decisions comes with less work lately. It really is possible to retrain your brain. 

What you think about, you bring about!

I do not like to make a decision when malnourished and dehydrated because my ADHD and OCD have me on a roll with getting things done and the arting and the daily to dos of life, I will forget to eat or drink water for 2 or 3 days. I become weak and emotional and irritable. Not a good time to make a hard call decision, or any decisions for that matter other than to get my shit together and take better care of myself! haha. 

With the Bipolar 1, I have many days that are stable and clear minded and focused. Some days I struggle with depression or as i call it, "feeling all my sad feelings." These days are not all bad if you don't stay there for too long. It's good to allow yourself to feel the pain you've endured. It's healthy and healing to let out a good cry or scream. Still not a good day to make decisions LOL. Those are more likely to be out of anger, sadness, resentment and can be irrational or selfish. 

On the other side of the Bipolar spectrum, there's Mania and Hypomania

ma·ni·a

/ˈmānēə/

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noun

1. mental illness marked by periods of great excitement or euphoria, delusions, and overactivity.

Well...the word DELUSIONS alone tells you not to make decisions in this state of mind. This one can be particularly difficult. You're "feeling all your happy feelings," energetic, pissing sunshine basically. You're feeling less insecure, more powerful and hyper. You are less capable of calming yourself down and walking through a decision with all necessary tools needed to think it out with a sound mind. Similar situation with hypomania. 

hy·po·ma·ni·a

/ˌhīpəˈmānēə/

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noun

PSYCHIATRY

noun: hypomania

1. a mild form of mania, marked by elation and hyperactivity.

These decisions are usually made impulsively. 

So when you find yourself in a situation - and you WILL - where a hard call needs to be made - take a personal inventory. Does this make me feel good? Is this ethical? Does anything bad happen? Does anyone get hurt? Do I get hurt? Why am i making this decision? Is this important to me? How does it make me feel? And the list goes on. 

A hard call is when we don't like either choice, but one option is unacceptable. Hard calls can take many shapes and forms. We may love someone who has a serious drinking problem and simply decide we can't live with him or her. Despite how we feel about the person. We may love someone who has physically, mentally, emotionally abused us or displayed signs of violent behavior; while OUR feelings may be genuine, so is the danger. I had to leave a man i was still crazy about and went through the toughest heartbreak of my life because I did not like who I was when I was with him or the choices I made;  nor the way he treated and manipulated me and used me. That was a HARD CALL. A big one. 

Hard calls are part of life. They force us to examine our values and determine what's genuinely important to us. They insist that we choose the path that's in our highest good. 

And that hard call led me to new love and lessons learned that I would not take back if given the option. You grow through what you go through. 

Spirit,

"When I am faced with a tough decision, help me be gentle with myself and others as i sort out, with your help, what's right for me."

Peace. Love. Art

                    

Don't let anger control your life. Hate is heavy, LET IT GO

Some Melody Beattie, some ME. 

 My past relationships, the men I was with were tyrant. Their anger controlled most of my moves. When they got angry, they exploded in rage. Things got broken, and they carried on as if nothing happened. The rage terrified me. 

I've never done well with anger. It brings me emotional flashbacks not only of other but of the rage i've had within myself. I spent a great deal of my life walking on eggshells. I committed to men that I allowed to completely control me by the mere threat of his rage. 

Whether we call them rageaholics, tyrants, bullies, assholes, or whatever foul words we may have in our minds when we think about these people; a lot of people in our world get their way by being mean. We may find ourselves instinctively walking on eggshells around these people, praying to God we don't set them off. 

Anger is a powerful emotion. But we don't have to let anybody else's rage take control of our lives. If somebody you know or love is a bully or tyrant, don't take it our on yourself. Trust me, I'm my own worst critic. No one is harder on me than ME. I take things personally that I shouldn't and I always assume it's my fault. But when you begin to heal, you redirect these feelings in a healthy manner and realize you are accountable for some things, but many things are not your fault. This is learned, unhealthy behavior that you picked up from abuse. 

Stop walking on eggshells and letting heir rage control your every step. Instead of taking on their problem, try something different. Step out of your comfort zone. What you've been doing isn't working for you so it's time to change. Stand up for yourself. 

How do you deal with anger? Does somebody in your life use anger as a way of controlling you? It may be time to let go of your fear of setting people off. Don't poke the bear. Pick your battles. Let it go. 

If you are in a dangerous situation, then by all means, get out, If you are just allowing yourself to be controlled by the fear of an emotional outburst, then learn to say WHATEVER when someone spouts off. Don't give them the satisfaction of a reaction to their toxic behavior.