Prisoner of childhood

     I want to talk about CPTSD and the levels of recovering. 

    Healing from Complex PTSD is definitely complex. 

    Abusive and abandoning parents can injure and abandon us on many levels:

• cognitive
• emotional
• spiritual
• physical
• relational

    This is not a one size fits all disorder. Every person's experience is unique. But pain is pain. 

In order to recover, you need to learn how to support yourself. To meet your unmet developmental needs on each level that is relevant to your experience of childhood trauma. 

KEY DEVELOPMENTAL ARRESTS in CPTSD    

    You may find that you experience a diminished or absence of the key features of healthy human being. Typically, survivors will vary on which and how many of these arrests relate to them. Some will suffer from additional mental and emotional obstacles on top of these. Factors affecting this area of your 4F type(FIGHT/FLIGHT/FREEZE/FAWN)...your childhood abuse and neglect pattern, your innate nature and any recovery work that you have already accomplished. 

    When you begin to practice self care and healing from grief and trauma - there are many characteristics that you begin to experience within yourself that are new to you. You become a different person. The thing is, to actually heal, you need to literally want to change who you are. It's hard work and it doesn't happen fast. My days consist of reading books, positive affirmations, tears of pain and joy, taking a personal inventory of yourself and all the people around you. There's a time when you re-evaluate the people in your life and what purpose they serve. And slowly, you will begin to recognize the positive traits you are learning to embrace in your daily life. 

• self acceptance
• clear sense of identity
• self compassion
• self protection
• capacity to draw comfort from relationships
• ability to relax
• capacity for full expression
• willpower and motivation
• peace of mind
• self care
• belief that life is a gift
• self esteem
• self confidence

I wish i had learned sooner, but it's better than not learning at all. Unfortunately, some people don't have the strength, knowledge, guidance or support system to do so. Some are still sitting out there without understanding about what obstacles they are facing. 

My clarity to nurture myself in these arrested areas of development were blinded and poisoned in early recovery by anger, resentment and lack of guidance. I held resentment towards myself. I also placed blame on myself and others, some warranted, some illogical and irrational. Then i began to practice self care and healing. And it's changing my life. It is addicting, enlightening, joyous. It is also hard, exhausting and full of grief. Grief is just love with no place to go. So put that love into yourself. It's worth the work. I'm just getting started, and this journey is so good for my soul.