Hey lovelies!
I am back! My apologies for the inconsistency. The thing about mental health recovery is that you go through many stages of healing and grief. And sometimes that means we hermit, or isolate and take a time out to rebuild and set goals. The last few months have been pretty insane! Between a traumatic experience in Michigan, an impulsive move closer to home, to a motel for 2 weeks(which is where I spent christmas. In quarantine.) On New years eve I moved into a safe house/womens shelter; which was like a prison, but i get it, Safety. Then graduated out of there and moved into a good, safe place where I have my own little sanctuary, my dog, my friends, and the support system I need. I carry a small circle, but they're my Ohana. The thing is, I don't look at these experiences as things I regret or things i'd like to take back. I'm grateful for these experiences. They taught me lessons I needed to learn to ecolve into where I am now. Michigan, as terrible as it was brought me to appreciate home. My friends. I saw another culture and another life that i quickly learned was NOT for me. It also taught me to be observant of people. I also learned who my real friends are. Michigan also brought me my best friend Lizzie. The friends house I moved home to a couple hours south of HOME taught me the kindess in humanity is not dead. I also met a troubled teenager that reminded me of myself and lit a fire in me to begin. start somewhere and make a difference. The motel was sad and lonely and depressing. It was a long, emotional, 2 and a half weeks of solitarty and grieving that was much needed. I also reconnected with a freind that taught me forgiveness exists in peoples hearts. The safe house taught me kindness and showed me safety. While there, I saw women that were so traumatized and damaged mentally from their abusers. This made me sad. I have empathy for any woman that was ever abused in any way. Whether that be physical, sexual, emotinal, mental abuse. It's all abuse. But it's never too late to retrain your brain. I am walking proof it's possible. And I still have a LOT of work to do. But lets do it together!
This also led me to a clarity on what I want to do with my life. With my trauma and adversity and experiences. I want to help people. I want to share my story and bring people hope that no mature what you endure, no ones pain is greater than anothers. And our mistakes dont define us. Our fears don;t dictate our life. If you want it bad enough, and you belive in yourself, you can create whatever life it is you dream of. You are not your trauma. Grief is just love. It is love with no place to go. Put all that love back into yourself. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Do you love yourself? If you are not happy with your life, or with who you are, or with the people you have in your circle, you literaly have to want to change who you are. Now that doesn't mean there arent parts of yourself that you love. Keep the parts you want to keep. This is your body. This is your mind. This is your spirit. Nurture it. And then watch your energy evolve into more fulfilling ways of life.
"Forgive yourself for the survival traits you picked up while enduring trauma."
YOU are the greatest project you will ever work on.
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